The boy problem.—The boy problem is becoming one of unusual interest to writers, teachers, lecturers, ministers and parents. Books, teaching, lecturing and preaching can aid some, but the real problem of the boy must be solved in the home.
A boy should be treated differently from his sister.—The mental make-up of a boy, his superior strength, his natural aspirations and his duties in life, require that some of his training should differ from that of the girl.
He should be taught to work.—One of the most important steps in the solution of the boy problem is to have the boy actively engaged in some wholesome, pleasant and rational way. He should be given work that is worth doing well and that will be of use to him in future life. This training should begin in childhood and continue until he is matured. Every day he should have some task to perform and he should never be allowed to neglect his work.
Boys enjoy making money.—A boy should be
Ideal Relations of Children in the Home
given a chance to make some money. Rarely should money be given to a child. It is far better for him to earn it. He will in this way learn the value of a dollar. He should be encouraged to deposit his money in bank, to loan it, on interest, or to wisely invest it. It is a great deal better for a boy to invest and lose than to spend his earnings for candy or a ticket to a ten cent show. A boy had as well be allowed to swear, drink and steal as to waste his money. If started right most boys would take pride in saving their money. Usually when parents wish their children to have candy or some other luxury, it would be wiser for them to pay for it, than for the children to do so. A child should be encouraged to give, out of his own money, to the needy, Sunday School and church.
Boys should have their own room in the house, their own things in the room and their property rights should be respected. When he fails, he should be encouraged; when downhearted, he should be boosted and when he succeeds, he should be praised and commended. Give the average boy a chance and he will make a man.
His future vocation.—Very early, boys show aptitude toward special vocations. When they do, they should be encouraged in every way possible. However, they should not be nagged and forced to follow any vocation for which they may have shown interest and natural skill. Furnish them helps and books and allow them to develop their own individualities. Parents should not choose the boy’s vocation for him. They should not interfere with his choice, unless it be pernicious.
Morally, his training should be the same as that of his sister.—Parents, who hold to two sets of morals, do right for the girl and do as you please for the boy, are not qualified to train a boy. A boy should be trained to believe that whatever is morally wrong for his sister and mother is equally wrong for him; it is just as ungentlemanly for him to swear, as it would be unladylike for his mother and sister to swear; that it is just as wrong for him to use vulgar and obscene language as it would be for his mother and sister to do so; that if he can drink and be sexually impure and remain a gentleman, his mother and sister can indulge in the same vices and remain perfect ladies. If parents believe in the double standard of morals, that the boy must sow his “wild oats,” most likely he will. There is no sane reason why a boy should swear and his sister should not, why a boy should use tobacco and his sister should not, why a boy should drink and his sister should not, or why a boy should be sexually impure and his sister should not. The boy, with the single standard of morals instilled in his mind, is incomparably more likely to make a useful, successful, great and good man than the boy trained to believe in the double standard.
Boys should play with girls.—Boys are, by nature, inclined to be rough, rude, coarse and untidy. They need to associate with girls who naturally have just the opposite tendencies. It is refining for boys to learn to enjoy the games of girls.
A girl’s ambition is to be beautiful; a boy’s ambition is to be strong. These preferences are natural and they should be encouraged in them. All boys delight in displaying their physical powers. Thus, they are led to test their strength with their sisters and often display roughness and rudeness. They should be carefully instructed that it is natural for girls not to be as strong as boys, and that for this reason they should protect girls and never be rude with them. Boys should have a place and the proper means of taking exercise.
The boy and his mother.—The mother and her boy should be chums. They should keep on the most intimate terms. The mother can often instill, into the mind and heart of her boy, a refined nature, gentle feelings, pure motives and a manly purpose, in a way that is not aggressive, and yet it is permanent.
A boy’s companions.—It is important for a boy to have good companions. If he has been trained as indicated, he will not rebel when his parents offer
Let Them Play Together
suggestions. However they should endeavor not to appear to be choosing his companions.
Going to college.—Many boys would be better off never to go to college. The contaminating influences of some colleges cannot be overestimated. Of all rowdyism, college rowdyism is the most demoralizing. In very recent years special efforts have been made in some of our colleges to eliminate this objectionable feature. There are some colleges where the manly, the moral and the religious predominate and the boy is fully as safe as at home. Before a boy is sent to college he should be fortified and safeguarded against college contaminations. Parents should investigate college morals before making the choice of a college for their boy.
Extract from EBook of Self Knowledge and Guide to Sex Instruction, by T. W. Shannon
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